An Introduction to Grand Coulee

I figured that taking a gander at the bike course ahead of time would be beneficial to the upcoming race, so I was off on a wee road trip. I borrowed a tent and a therma rest from a friend (thanks, Mike!), packed some food, took my passport (can't go anywhere without that) and I started heading south.
I've spent a bit of time in Washington before, but it had been years since I had been down to the Grand Coulee Dam area. It's not the most picturesque of places, but I was more impressed with the hospitality of the people I met. Whoever said Americans aren't friendly certainly hadn't met the people I did...it was great. Perhaps it was the "crazy bike" I had on the roof of my car...I don't think Lucifer is crazy looking, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone was easy to talk to and very willing to help out a stranger!
I got into the GC area by about dinner time...oh, did I mention it was hotter than HELL down there? Oh, my God! I got a campsite at the Roosevelt Lake State Park for $10 a night and it was a great little campsite. Good facilities, a beautiful lake (about 5 miles from Banks Lake where the race starts) and very clean. I camped across from a retired Fire Chief from Prince George and next to a couple from Penticton...Canadians! I was in good company.
By the time I had set up the tent and gotten my bike ready for the next day, I was pretty tired (had just come off night shift), so I hit the sack early. A good thing because 5:30am comes quickly. I decided that it would be best to get this ride over with before the true heat of the day...also a good idea. I didn't really sleep very well due to the fact that it was still about eight thousand degrees in the tent (Mike neglected to mention that the tent didn't come with air conditioning...something that should come with tents, don't you agree?)...no breeze and no prospect of cooling off...oh well, nothing that a bit more electrolyte concoction couldn't fix, right?
My eyeballs popped open at 5:28am, just in time to intercept my alarm so as to not wake my neighbors. Brushed my teeth, had some breakfast and set out in search of the Coulee Playground which is where the swim/bike transition area is. It was eerie being the only person up at that time; even the crickets had gone to sleep...something I wished I had just a bit more of. But, I was off for an adventure!
I found the place where the race was to begin from and figured it would be closed. Well, this was not the case. Apparently, every red-necked American who was a Bass Fisherman was there vying for the coveted Coulee Playground Annual Bass Fishing Tournament Cup. Fish beware! I attracted a few looks from the fishermen who were out and about readying themselves for battle against the elusive fishes...but, in all fairness, I was more concerned about being in a place I'd never been before and about to start riding in unfamiliar territory...all by myself. I'm a bit anal about riding alone (and being the US with their questionable health care system; I'd envisioned buzzards pecking my eyeballs out as I lay in a ditch broken...but, there were no buzzards...I asked). I met a lovely lady named Deloris, who was close friends with the race organizers and took me on a guided tour of where the race takes place. She was extremely helpful in getting me oriented with a more detailed map of the course and said that I was to check back in with her upon my return. I checked the map, got the rest of my stuff from the car and upon pressing "start" on my Garmin...I was off!
0630hrs: Started up the switchbacks. Holy crap...these damn thing go on FOREVER! It went up, and up, and up...and then, just when you think you're at the top...on the pavement, as if to taunt you, someone has written (inspirationally, of course) that you only have "3 more turns until the top"...gee, thanks. Well, at that point, HR pinned, legs screaming...it was nice to have some reassurance that "this" was going to be over soon. Getting to the top was a victory, I'm not going to lie to you. But it was pretty short lived. There's nothing up there...except some extremely vast expanses of wheat fields as far as the eye can see. When there wasn't wheat there were fields of dirt...dry, sun-baked dirt...much like a Moon scape...it was pretty desolate up there. There were grasshoppers flinging themselves in front of my tire; "...please stop doing that", I requested, to no avail. Still, they mounted their relentless suicidal attack. There were some big ass beetles marching across the road...where were they going? As big as your thumb...it became a bit of a game to dodge the grasshoppers and the beetles...I was waiting for the snakes to show themselves, but...NOT A ONE!!! Whew! One of the reasons I am talking about the bugs I saw along the way is because there was no one on the road at that time of the day. It was like I had stepped into another dimension where it was just me and my friends the beetles and grasshoppers (actually, I was hoping that I didn't mistake the grasshoppers for locusts, as Nowhere-town,USA was not where I had anticipated spending my last moments on Earth...these are the things I think about all alone, without my morning coffee on a bike in the middle of no where...). But I pedaled on...Once up onto the Mesa the road "undulated" (what a great word...NOT!) for what seemed like FOREVER. Just when you thought you were on top of something...there, off in the distance, was another roller that took you higher. Ugg. This was a lot of work. No doubt about it. Just gotta keep grinding it out...
0815hrs: I saw my first vehicle...and they waved. No, really, they actually waved. It warmed my heart to know that my plight was not completely in vain...that someone recognized my toil.
0835hrs: Destination: Almira, Wa. I stopped at a service station (presumably the only one for MILES) and had to ask for clarification on my really sweaty map. The 3 people in the store were a bit apprehensive of the "alien" that was coming in...as they had admittedly watched me lap the store 2 or 3 times wondering when I was going to cave and ask for directions. "...you lost?", he asked. "well, not really." I said, "...I know where I am, I just don't know how to get back to where I started", an honest answer that made them all crack up. :) I got the directions and set out with the precautionary warning of what was to come...the Almira hill.
0840hrs: Almira Hill. Holy shit. This mother of a hill is no joke. It's about 10 miles in length and climbs and climbs and climbs. It doesn't stop. It doesn't get easier, it just keeps going and going. It was here that I really had to "flip my switch" and think about something other than this arduous task in front of me. I was really caught between stopping, but what would that accomplish...NOBODY KNEW WHERE I WAS! And, nobody, except the odd motorist who waved and smiled with the vigor of someone who has had a warm cup of coffee and a plate of banana pancakes to start the day with, cared! I was in the middle of no where...too far to retrace my steps and doing battle with the voices in my head to stop climbing this damn hill. What the fuck was I was I doing? But...I kept going. It's gotta stop eventually, right?
1015hrs: Reprieve...my physics teacher wasn't lying...what goes up DOES come down. When the power lines began to come into view I knew I was almost there. The decent was wicked...at this point I was so grateful to not be climbing that I didn't realize the speed that was creeping up. At last glance my speed was 37...MILES AN HOUR! Oh my God, the "what if's" at this point could not come into play...I just had to hold on. Getting out onto State Road 174 meant that the Coulee Playground was not far away...I had almost done it. I was just about home. The true course has you routed up to the Grand Coulee Dam, but I turned south back to the Coulee Playground to call it a day.
All in all, it took about 3 and a half hours...a time that I wasn't too pleased with. BUT, considering I didn't know where I was going, AND I did it all alone (no offence to the grasshoppers and beetles that became my "peeps"), AND I made it back in one piece...I was really proud of myself. I checked back in with Deloris and grabbed a Red Bull for the drive back to camp.
Apparently, the run is pancake flat...great, after that punishing bike ride we deserve something like that. The weather was decent on my ride. I rode early in the morning, a bit earlier than what I imagine race day to be, so the wind didn't have time to get too fierce...but I can see where it would play a factor. Nothing you can do about it, but it's nice when it's not in your face...literally. In all, it's going to be a challenging course, but if it was easy everyone would be doing it, right? I am looking forward to sharing this day with Ginny, Andrew, Mike, Joel, Myra and Danny, but most of all with Lisa. Rock on September 13!!!